So, French. I want to learn French.
I've always wanted to be fluent in at least one other language, but I have never really shown a talent for language, either because I have never really tried or because I don't really have the ability. Except, I have a memory like no one's business, and can still remember some conversational French and Russian from the less-than-a-semester of work I actually did on both languages. So, do I have the ability and have I just not been applying myself? If it's something that I really want, shouldn't I be able to figure it out? I think the same goes for language as it goes for math and science, as far as I am concerned. Though I have always wanted to be fluent in another language, I have never really wanted to do the work. I used to think I couldn't understand math and science, because I was an "artist." Now I see that I not only have the capacity and ability, but I quite like both and am actually very rational. Maybe I have never really thought I could learn a new language, or, worse, never really wanted to because it wasn't something I believed I should be able to do. I don't really know why I would think that way, but I am coming to realize that a lot of my childhood consisted of thoughts like that. Irrational, silly thoughts that I can't do something because it doesn't fit into the idea I am supposed to fit into. Or, because I am supposed to be stupid at everything else but my one true talent, which I tend to question. So, I make myself believe I don't have any skills or talents, and then I really don't, do I? Well, I think it's all bullocks. I think I can learn French. I could have learned Russian if I had wanted. I can learn Arabic if it is what I wish.
But, I'd like to stick with Latin-based languages to start. Learning a new alphabet isn't easy--and yet, I still know most of the Russian one. So, I'll start with French.
French is used as a secondary language in a lot of the world I want to work in and see, so French will be both entertaining and practical. Plus, Amanda wants to learn French. If I have a buddy, it might make it more interesting, to say the least.
And, finally, Eddie Izzard speaks ish-French. As in, he learned it as a boy and has sort of revived his knowledge into a kind of useful fluency when needed. He isn't really why I want to learn--well, revive in my own sense, into fluency. I have always wanted to be fluent in French, since I was in seventh grade; but, Eddie's use of it and enjoyment of it, and his challenging himself to be better so he can conquer new stand-up fronts, has certainly inspired me to start up again. I am not going to wait until I get back into school, I am going to do it on my own--with Amanda, of course. I should do it, if only to prove to myself that I can. Just like I should write this book, just like I should do this stand-up set, just like I should lose the weight and go to the navy. Because I have to prove it to myself, and because I have to start moving forward.
Maybe you don't see learning French as a step forward in my life, toward a degree and a salary and a career sitting in labs poking at bones and dead bodies, but I do. I see it as a gateway. If I can learn another language, if I can speak it fluently and rapidly, if I can be good at something I always told myself I had trouble with, than I can do all of those things I want and more. Learning another language is a gateway to learning more about oneself, I truly believe that, as well as learning more about the world, and learning more about what we're capable of. I think it will help me accept my own true intelligence, something I have been curiously fighting with my whole life. I think it will help me become somebody I have dreamed of being, but have never had faith I could be. I think it will open the door for me to learn many other things, especially other languages. It will allow me to travel and immerse in other cultures more easily. It will open my mind in ways I could've only dreamed of until now.
Also, the FBI really likes it if you speak another language.
So, I am going to learn French. That is on my list; my list of things I have to do, things I want to do this year, so I can finally grasp who I am, before I lose myself completely.
French, karaoke, tattoo.
All 206 bones.
Stand-up on my birthday.
Le Singe est Sur la Branche
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