I've been an absolutely terrible memoir writer. I think the point of this blog thing was so I would write at least a few times a week. Look at me not doing that. Not doing that at all....
So much has happened. If March was a month of movement, than April is a month of battling the urge to stand still. So many things, strange and far too real, have happened already, and I know I should be writing it all down as it happens, but I just can't focus my brain.
This means I am going to have to start back tracking, going to have to start telling a story. Suck, right? And here I am, a writer, not too happy about telling a story. Um...I think that was the point, dear.
It's good, though. So many monumental things have happened, things that have both shown me my strength and will work to show me my stamina. If I can make it through these next few months, if I can battle and come out victorious, then I truly have accomplished something--I have become that person I am so ready to be.
A few things I am going to start writing about, probably essay-ish style, trying to link things and create circular thoughts, make sense of what has happened recently with what was holding me back in the past. Really make a life like mine coherent and...well, memoir-like. That is my goal as far as writing goes, to get better at the analyzing part and get on paper all those things that have happened in a beautiful, creative, intelligent way. I think I can, and I also see it as a huge fucking prospect that is really, really scary.
So, here are those few things:
Friendship--how they come back into our lives, how we track them down, how we hold on to them, my history with friendship, and the friends I have. I think each will really need their own little post because each is a story in itself. I don't know how this is going to work, but I think I'd better just stick to chronological.
Money--my debt, how I feel about my debt, finances, getting control only to lose control than release that maybe I'm in more control than I thought...it's a bit of a mess, I know.
My Job--Starbucks, Borders, my career choice, the navy.
Family--siblings, each their own little bit I think, and my mother. My father is his own thing I have yet to confront.
Outside Sources--therapy, celebrities, television and literature...you know, those things.
It's kind of a vague checklist, but I suppose I have to get into detail in the essays/posts, so I might as well be vague now. Keep the surprise, yes?
I don't know how I am going to do it anymore. But, I have been told not to worry how, but to think on the completed outcome, and see it for what it is. The how will work itself out. So I've been told.
I start tomorrow. Tonight I am going to bed. Tonight I am exhausted from this week. I think I will talk about it tomorrow....
I had a good week last week. It was nice, I felt great. Suddenly on Monday I came crashing down. Don't know how this happened, but it did. I should probably write about that to begin with.
This is going to suck. It is going to be a lot of work. But, I think it's something I need to do, something I need to work on, something I need to face and fess up to...I need to analyze my life. Wasn't that the point of this all? I need to move forward.
My Life is a Work in Progress
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