Two Steps Closer Than I had in Mind

I'm not going to lie...I've been a little weird lately.

In Repair

Am I tired, or am I
still awake and dreaming
of everything I’m not.
I’m wrapped in spirals
and crooked bull’s eyes
watching the world turn around me.
There is so much
I don’t know and
so much I
wish I did,
and I am not hopeless
without it, but tired.
I am tired, of never
knowing, of never seeing into the future.
I have no power
of divination. I
am blind. I am blind
to what you
smell like,
to the colors of the room,
to the softness
of my blankets
and the firmness
of my bed.
I only hear
what words are spoken in the loudness of my head.
I am quiet.

July 20, 2007
See what I mean? Weird.

Gaps

New rooms—unfamiliar;
and faces to match people to.
New ideas that fill the dents
in the road like puddles to plow through.
All the old things are growing
dark, like memories, faded around the edges.
And all the new things are piling up
on top, on top, on top,
one above the other.
Houses aren’t homes and home
has no heart; and the cable’s going out—
flashing on, flashing off, void of snow
or white noise. Nothing feels like comfort,
nothing feels like safe,
everything is a mystery
like new shoes and a new city.
Like new friends, who hardly know
any history or plans.
Everything is familiar, but nothing
is the same; nothing is familiar, but everything
has changed.
And I am stuck inside myself
for the duration of the day.
I’m wandering the rooms I’ve left
unfamiliar in my head.
It’s time to open up their doors,
expand into them; move all my
baggage from the crowded spaces
I’ve used and even out my head.

August 1, 2007
Oh, I'm sure there is more to come.
I Lost Myself Trying to Catch the Sun